Changes

Every now and then you get a little rain on your parade. This week it was apparently my turn to make the journey from emotional dehydration to chaotic flood. Somebody, so it seems, has been peeing in my cornflakes and I am not a happy camper. My travel plans have slightly veered off course and now I have to slam the brakes on a few things. It feels like there’s more than rain on my parade; it feels like a hail storm.

I hate change. No, really I do. I’m a paranoid, obsessive-compulsive control freak that must calculate every decision, every plan and every action down to the most minute of details. I don’t want things changing unless I change them and even then I don’t like that. Changes upset the formula that I have so carefully crafted for a delicate balance in my life. It upsets the scales I have weighed out. And then suddenly I’m reminded of why I started this journey: Embrace the chaos. Just embrace it.

The only thing I can plan on at this point is the plan to make it difficult. I want the impossible. I want it because any thing less wouldn’t be worthy of my time. Anything less wouldn’t be worth living. I want it because the only thing I hate more than change is the fear of change. So not only do I want to face it and embrace it, I want to create it. That’s mostly what this journey is about: it’s my parade and I’m taking it back.

One Response to Changes

  1. nutmeg

    August 21, 2009 at 7:49 am

    i peed in your cornflakes cause i didn’t want you to leave. my bad. 🙂

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