Egg Head

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you. Well, that’s what I keep telling myself since I suffer from paranoia on a most grand level. Maybe it’s from the overuse of illegal narcotics or perhaps I spent too much time as a youth bracing myself for fights at school. To this day I do not like sitting with my back to an entrance, I must be able to visually monitor who comes and who goes and I have a conspiracy theory for everything. There is a purpose though, all this talk of paranoia is bringing me to my point: I have a funny story.

I was diligently working away yesterday morning; it was approximately 3:30am. All of a sudden I hear this loud noise that sounds like glass getting smashed. BURGLAR!! Visions of a smashed back door and Mr. Thief coming in to steal my non-existent valuables ran through my head. In a split second I grabbed the only two things that were near me, a 16oz Dr. Pepper bottle (plastic and half-full) and a small 2 1/2 foot ironing board. With my weapons in hand, I started my immediate marathon sprint down the hallway. Coming to the end of the hallway I took a sharp right-turn and forcefully hurled the Dr. Pepper bottle towards the back door & the would-be thief while simultaneously clutching the ironing board like a baseball bat. By the time my soda bottle had smashed into the backdoor I could see that there was no damage. The door was securely locked and the glass was very much intact. Tip-toeing my way towards the backdoor, the herculean adrenaline rush I had was replaced with the wisdom of Sherlock Holmes; the culprit was discovered. The eggs I was boiling for a tuna fish sandwich had been left unattended too long. The water boiled out of the pan causing the eggs to overheat and explode. Aside from that, everything was eggsactly as I left it.

I still keep the ironing board and the soda bottle near me just in case.

One Response to Egg Head

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *